sisterfrennn, stop repeating “it”.
Ok sis, so last week I received a phone call from a friend. She could hear that I had a full house, so she asked me to step away to a private area so that she could speak to me privately— I already knew it was about her longtime boyfriend. I went ahead and stepped aside to talk with her. Long story short I listened to her vent for another 3 hours about how terrible the man is that she is with. No judgement at all because we’ve ALL been there. READY to tell anyone who will listen, “What he did.” Listen I’ve been guilty too, but… i can tell you that is not the best way to move on.
After the phone call with her I felt depleted and emotionally exhausted. It wasn’t until after the conversation that I remembered a lunch date that I had with four women a couple of years ago.
giving power to your problems
We all arrived at the restaurant at 5pm and we sat outside talking until 10pm. Well actually, one of the girls, (lets name her Jane)… Jane talked for the ENTIRE 5 hours about how her boyfriend was treating her.
At first we agreed, we listened to her, we validated her feelings but then it got to a point where we were all SILENTLY exhausted. Finally, the oldest friend of the group interjected at 10pm and said boldy,
“Jane, We have listened to you for FIVE HOURS” “We came here so that we could all talk and catch up and the ONLY thing that we’ve highlighted this whole time is your relationship.” “We love you. We 100% agree with EVERYTHING you’ve said, we don’t need anymore examples to prove what a jerk this man is to you.” “EVERYTHING you have said is valid, you are not crazy, you are not wrong but at this point you are living in it.”
Myself and the other friend sat there quietly in full agreement.
Sis, I get it, TRUST me…I GET IT….Break ups are hard. Whether it be a friendship breakup, a family breakup, or a romantic breakup…they are THE WORST.. NOTHING can compare to that feeling of devastation when someone betrays you, mishandles you, or misunderstands you. NOTHING compares to the overwhelming GRIEF you feel when the dynamics of a relationship change, or a loved one exits your life.
You literally can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus on anything and the worse part is that the person who hurt you —is the only one you want to talk to, even though they are the perpetrator.
There have been so many moments in my life where I would talk about that person or situation that was making me hurt sooo badly. But honestly sis, the more you talk about it, the more power you give to it.
finding the best way to move on
You can never fully find the best way to move on if you continue saturating yourself in those stories of heartache and pain. Imagine every word being a seed and every time you spew those words, you are planting them everywhere. Not only are you planting weeds in your spirt but you are also planting those seeds in your friends and family. I get sometime you need to vent. You need to check in with that ONE trusted girlfriend or pastor or mentor to make sure you aren’t the one who is trippin. But after you have let it out….LET THAT SH*T go!.
STOP repeating the story over and over and over again. God has given you a discerning spirit. You know in your heart that you aren’t crazy, that you aren’t misinterpreting, “what he did.”
you don’t need validation from everyone on the planet. trust yourself. it’s ok for you to trust yourself —(write this affirmation down) “it is safe for me to trust myself”
stop nourishing & sustaining that situation with your words. Words have power. Start giving life to others things. (You can read my other blog post here on HOW to give life to other things)
And finally, to the sisterfrennn reading this, who is on the receiving end of your frennn’s “bad news”….
Listen to her. Be a frennn, support her,… but be such a good frennn that you are willing to cut her off. Be like my frennn at that dinner, interject and empower her. Tell her ENOUGH is ENOUGH. “I support you, but I will not participate in this conversation after X amount of time.”
set those boundaries. Because if you don’t, you will find yourself “feeling some type of way” and then later realize that it was her seeds (her negativity) that was planted in you. You’ll find yourself aggravated at your husband, or your mom, or your kid, because now you have to find someplace to expel that energy that she gave to you.
Sis STOP REPEATING IT. I know it hurts. I know it’s gut wrenching. I know you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, because all you do is cry. But go home, close all the windows and all the doors and YELL at God. Tell him, all the ways in which you are hurting….cry, scream, beat the pillow, let the snot run down your nose…you’ll become tired. Then lay down, ask God to comfort you, and He will. I promise He will. You’ll feel a peace come over you.
Do it everyday until you’ve released it all, and you have nothing left. it’s the best way to move on.
you will feel better
I love you and I promise you that you will be ok, you’ll be better than ok. You will get through this. I did—and you will too. Pinky promise.
And if you need some more tips on dealing with anxiety, I’ve got some here.
